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 br buddies
 BR buddy for a worried wife and mummy?!

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BankruptC Posted - 26 July 2008 : 12:04:30

I'm ian's other half and as the BR process moves on, I'm finding myself more and more glued to these boards searching for advice and answers to the millions of questions we have. I'm getting more and more panicky as the days go by and am now finding that I can't sleep or eat (not bad for the waistline, but not great for finding the energy to run around with our little one!) I'm worried how all the pieces of this jigsaw will come together and what the real impact will be on my precious little family. We plan to go BR on around the 20th Aug and wondered if there was a like-minded soul out there who'd be my 'Bankruptcy buddy'? I just think talking this through on email maybe and sharing experiences (and a cyber chocolate bar!) with someone who knows what your going through could be a godsend in this daunting process and would defo stop my poor hubby getting it in the neck quite so much!

Any takers? If so, I think admin can arrange for our email addresses to be swapped if we highlight here it's what we want.

Thanks for reading and good luck to everyone out there still going through this process. Here's to a MUCH brighter future!


15   L A T E S T    R E P L I E S    (Newest First)
Morwenna Posted - 03 August 2009 : 00:20:17
Just found this bit i wish i had found it sooner!! hopefully you are all still around and will get this and i can hear what it is like further down the line. i am hopefully going br on the 16/8/09 and i am dreading it but looking foward to it at the same time if that makes any sense. i cant sleep hence still on here at the moment!!! i wont post loads on here just in case nobody is still about but i hope you are
JulianDonnelly Posted - 12 August 2008 : 08:00:19
Any BR buddies interested in the day in London on the 19th? Could be a great opportunity for you all to meet each other in person!


Julian Donnelly
Spokesperson for www.Bankruptcyhelp.org.uk
BankruptC Posted - 03 August 2008 : 21:53:57
Hi Jo,

Sorry I haven't replied sooner, but I just wanted to wish you all the very best for tomorrow! I'm sure it will be absolutely fine and you will be posting on here saying you don't know what you were so worried about.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Please post as soon as you can to let us all know how you got on.

Love and best wishes,

CG. x
BankruptC Posted - 01 August 2008 : 20:19:57
Hi Sam,

I really hope you get things sorted by the time your little one arrives-you could really do without this stress just now, couldn't you?! Just think though, once it's done, you'll have one lovely little gurgly bundle to take your mind off everything! You'll soon forget it ever happened!

Although I'm absolutely no expert, I'll have a go at answering some of your questions. As I say, I'm no expert, but I'll tell you what I would do.

1. The car. Basically the OR will check with the DVLA against what you've put on your SoA, so if the car is likely to appear as being owned by you in the DVLA records, then list it. You can always explain later.

2. The list of creditors. I would list the original creditors and maybe write next to it 'Transferred to (name of DCA) in (year)'. If they need more info from you they can ask during your interview.

3. Your boyfriend's car. I would imagine they would look at this for a couple of reasons. If for example you had a car, but said you needed it for work so wanted to keep it, they would take into account the fact that you have use of another car here to decide if you had a valid reason to keep your own car. Also, I would imagine they will want to check that your boyfriend is actually the owner of the car and that you didn't swap it into his name just before BR to 'dispose of an asset'.

4. The rent. I'm really not too sure about this one, but the housing benefit will obviously go in the income part. I would guess that then the full amount of your rent would go in the expenditure part. You can clarify this with the OR at your interview, but if there's room on the SoA, but a note next to it saying, 'full amount, before housing benefit'.

As I said, I am NO expert at all and these are just my take on things. If you need more clarification, maybe you could post on the 'Bankruptcy Questions' board and you should get some concrete advice. Or if any experts read this-please correct me if I'm wrong!!

As I have mentioned before, we don't have much support either really. My brother and my best friend are being great, calling to see how we are, but my parents are really unhappy about it. I can see they are disappointed in me and that we've been stupid, but I just don't see what use it is to get angry about it all. I'm so glad these boards are here!

Sorry your struggling with your other half too. You never know, what you're going through here may just teach him a lesson for the future too!

Anyway, please keep your chin up and keep posting!

Speak soon,

CG. x

s.f Posted - 01 August 2008 : 09:53:15
I am hoping to go bankrupt as soon as possible, obviously am hoping to have seen the judge before my due date which is 21st September. At the moment I am still going through the forms. I am a bit confused on a couple of issues. 1 is the bit about owning a vehicle in the last 12 months. My boyfriend bought a new car on finance without realising he couldn't afford the insurance, so the car company told us to transfer the vehicle to me so I could get insured and my boyfriend was the named driver. Not technically the best thing to do but at the time it was the only option. Anyway, he got the finance on a 3 year options plan and the 3 years were up in May so he wanted to get another car, hence as the previous vehicle was in my name but financed in his I had to transfer it back to Gowrings. There is a section on the form asking about finance etc but it wasn't financed in my name so don't know if I have to fill this in or not? The vehicle had negative equity anyway and my boyfriend ended up owing another few hundred pounds on that vehicle as well as taking out finance on another car.

Anyway, I have an appointment at my local Citizens Advice Bureau on the 18th August, it was the soonest I could get. I was hoping to have been to court by then though so I was trying to get the forms filled in myself instead of waiting for help from the CAB.

The other question I have, if anyone else knows, is that where you list all your creditors do you list who the original debt was with. For example 1 of my debts was a bank loan with Lloyds which is over 10 years old so now it is with a collection agency. Do I list it as Lloyds or the collection agency? Only a small question I know but I wouldn't want it to affect things if I put the wrong info.

Also I still use my boyfriends new car even though I don't own it and there is a question on the forms asking this. They want to know the value, registration and the owner. Anyone know why they need to know that and will it affect my bankruptcy or my boyfriend in anyway?

Next question (sorry!) is that although I rent I don't pay full rent as I get some help from Housing Benefit. On the forms it asks your outgoings, do I just put down the amount of rent I actually pay?

It feels like a mine field!

I feel like going mad at the moment as like I said I don't have much support and yesterday my sister kindly lectured me about how I can't use bankruptcy as the answer when I get into problems. I took out all the credit bla bla bla so now I must pay it back. Why don't I set up agreements with my creditors to pay say £1 a week. HA HA HA, that is exactly what I have been doing for over 10 years and I have got nowhere fast. Every few months or so all my debts seem to be transferred to yet a different collection agency who add on an administration fee, non payment fees and any other charges they feel like. So I have got nowhere with paying off any of these debts and I have got just about fed up with explaining my situation time and again. I have even had to change my phone number as 1 collection agency religiously rang every 15 minutes of every day between 8am and 9pm!

Also, my boyfriend is a real concern at the moment. Long story short, he is 11 years younger than me. We met when I decided to go back to college 4 years ago. He still lives at home and is a really spoilt mummy's boy. He is not very responsible financially even though for his age he has a good job and a good salary. He has proposed to me and I have said yes and he keeps pushing me for a date to get married. I have explained that we can't afford it yet as we will have to pay for it. Plus he keeps on getting finance behind my back which I just can't cope with. Then his excuse is that his mum is going to pay it off and then we will just pay her back.

Anyway, rant over. Really, really sorry.

If anyone can shed any light on my questions I would be very grateful as it may mean I can fill my forms in without needing help from the CAB. My local County Court have said that if I get the forms in on a Monday by 9.30am that the judge will be able to see me straight away and I should be declared bankrupt the same day. Then all I have to do is have an appointment with the Official Receiver.

Thanks for all your help, comments and basically the support.

BankruptC Posted - 31 July 2008 : 22:34:13
Hi Sharon,

I absolutely agree about that poor, poor couple doing nothing other than wanting to enjoy the start of their life together-how horrendous and as you say, it really puts things into perspective. My mum and dad still don't know we're going bankrupt. We've told them we're in a mess financially and as a result are having to move out and rent for a while, but they don't know about the bankruptcy. Even without the bankruptcy knowledge they are handling it really badly. Mum wouldn't even speak to me today when I phoned. I mean we know we've been stupid, but we could really do with their support now...

Anyway, which abbreviations don't you understand? I'll do my best to fill you in!

Take care,

CG. x
Sharon53 Posted - 31 July 2008 : 22:20:10
Hi everyone and welcome Sam
Your situation sounds a bit like my son's and I understand what you are saying about family, I feel a bit alone as his Mum in supporting him because other family disapprove, but it gets to a stage where you have no choice. As I said earlier he can no longer afford IVA payments because of the cost of running his own home, rent, bills, etc which just keep going up and up. It's probably difficult for a lot of parents to understand how you get into so much debt, it's difficult for me, because when we were younger it was really hard to get credit, I think he has been a fool because a lot of his debts have been incurred though gambling when he was single.But it doesn't stop me from supporting him, whatever the problems he is still my only son and I help him financially all I can, but the debts went beyond anything I could help with short of selling my house and I do draw the line at that, it is my only security.
I feel for you teachers, that is a bit of a public arena especially if it becomes public knowledge, but as you say, do people read the legal section of the local paper?
Sod's Law says they probably wouldn't miss the bit you would want them not to see
It is very easy when you are at home all day with nothing to take your mind off your problems to worry constantly, I do it all the time although I know it does no good, but you just can't help it, you do have to try to keep things in perspective though as some of you have said earlier. the important things are our families and our children, as long as they are around, and healthy that's all that matters really, we can get over these other things and hopefully soon it will be in the past.
Nothing has brought this home to me more than that awful tragedy of the couple in Antigua, we can't begin to imagine what their families are going through, and although our problems are huge to us, they are really not much compared to that.
Keep posting
PS I am having trouble knowing what all these abbreviations stand for
ann.s Posted - 31 July 2008 : 18:19:16
Hi Sam,

If it's a another boy you are on your way to start a five a side team!! We have one boy who is now 16 I don't know where the years have gone, he is testing at times as my hubby works away, he's back tonight for two weeks, so he'll be a good teenager for two weeks!!

When are you going BR? We are going BR on 8th Sept, we have to work around my hubby working away, for the court date then the call from the OR, he has got the whole of Sept off, so by the time he goes away at the end of sept it should be all sorted fingures and toes crossed.

Take Care
s.f Posted - 31 July 2008 : 18:02:15
Hi Ann,

I know what you are saying about not being to eat at home. To be honest I just feel totally down all the time when I am home, yet when I am out it is as if a cloud has lifted! However, with little ones it isn't possible to be out all the time and I don't work either. I think that is half my problem as I don't feel in control as such because I don't 'earn' my own money. Once this baby is born I am going to look for a part time evening/weekend job to get a bit of money.

As for the baby I have been told it is definately another boy. Although I was and still am convinced it is a girl. I have had 2 boys and both pregnancies were the same and this is totally different. Could always be caused by all the stress though! I will update you once he or she has made an appearance. Only 8 weeks to go so hopefully I will be sorted out with the BR by then as well.

Anyway, thanks Ann and Ians for your support, it feels so much better being able to 'talk' to other people who are in exactly the same situation.


ann.s Posted - 31 July 2008 : 16:43:42
Sam, welcome to BR Buddies, don't feel alone, we all post on the forum for help and support from it's great members, there is always someone on the forum to answer or help, or even just a moan!!

What you have to remember is you need your health, I know how you feel when you said you can't eat or sleep last night I was walking around the house at 2am not knowing what to do, I find I can't eat when I'm in the house, maybe the debt that we have got into gets to me when I walk in, so I try to eat at work. you need to try and eat and keep healthy for the sake of your children and your unborn child (do you know what you are having?) Just remember they will always be there for you.

Take Care Keep posting.

BankruptC Posted - 31 July 2008 : 13:59:19
Hi Sam and welcome!

I feel for you and am in a very similar position with regards to support. We're also in the situation that family members think we're making a big mistake and not doing the right thing by our child. None of us want to be in this situation and I'm sure we're beating ourselves up about this enough without others telling us how stupid we've been!

Re. the OR, people seem to say they're not half as scary as the idea of them! We just need to remember they're human too and they see situations like ours (and much worse!) every single day, so shouldn't be too hard on us!

Please remember you really are not alone and we're here for you to talk to.

Keep your chin up and keep posting.

CG. x
s.f Posted - 31 July 2008 : 13:13:50
Hi everyone. I hope you don't mind me adding my bit!

I have only posted a few times with some questions (and I keep thinking of more as I go along so will probably end up posting loads).

I have finally decided to go bankrupt after seriously considering it for about a year. Unfortunately the people close to me aren't particularly supportive. My sister thinks bankruptcy is a mistake and my boyfriend has no idea of the stress involved when you are in debt. He is very naive and has got very supportive parents with very deep pockets who bail him out of trouble.

I have a 7 year son from a previous relationship (when all my debt problems started! Because of my then OH not my son!), I have a 1 year son with my current boyfriend and we are expecting another in September. I too can't eat or sleep properly and am constantly crying over this whole debt situation.

Can anyone tell me why the OR is scary? I don't own any property or have any assets so was hoping it would be fairly non scary! The only thing that worries me (and OH) is that I have regular use of his (very expensive) car.

I just need some reassurance really that BR is the answer and that I am not alone. I feel like the only person in the world who has stupidly got into an unmanagable debt situation. No one else in my family is as rubbish with money as me and sadly they all look upon it as some sort of failure!

johns Posted - 30 July 2008 : 22:15:02
Hi sorry to bleat you are all right and all feel shame i feel for my wife in fact sarah has just stopped crying at the thought like all of you the future.

My wife is my rock and we shall get throug it you all will it is a learning curve not nice but in some cases a necessity that will help us all in the future, we are here for spending too much not killing anyone

rollercoaster Posted - 30 July 2008 : 19:31:33
Its also not the least stressful of jobs when you are going through such difficult personal experiences. Although I must admit, for every 'difficult' lesson, there are many more moments that make me smile. Getting an end of term present from the schools two 'hard nuts' was sweet.
BankruptC Posted - 30 July 2008 : 15:47:02
Very nice of her!! I'm secondary too. I'm only going back part time in Sept, which I'm glad about, although the full time money would have come in handy had we known we'd end up in this position!

CG. x

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