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Skint101
Starting Member
18 Posts |
 Posted - 24 September 2010 : 12:08:00
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I don't know where to begin. We were accepted for an IVA 3 or 4 months ago and we thought that would be the end of our problems.
I have hated my job for a long time, but stayed as we needed that money to pay our bills prior to the IVA. I am used both by my boss and the people under me. I have verbal abuse from those under me and a boss who sells me out to save his own skin. Please, before anyone suggests it, my human resources department can't help. Anyway, it has got worse and worse at work to the point where I don't sleep and think about work non stop and crying all the time. There are no jobs in our organisation at the moment of the same money and I am petrified that taking a lower paid role will jeopardise our IVA. Not that we are putting the right amount away anyway.
Bankruptcy, although something I have tried to avoid at all costs, seems to becoming a reality. I can't see a big differenece between the two anyway really apart from the fact it may be in the local paper.
Can anyone offer me any advise? I don't know what to do for the best. My husband and I don't share any of a financial details with anyone so are feeling really alone.
My job is making me short tempered with our baby and my husband and I haven't had a proper relationship for years. It's getting to be all quite too desperate...
Sorry for the long post. |
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Viki.W
forum expert
United Kingdom
2211 Posts |
Posted - 24 September 2010 : 13:00:57
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Hi Skint101,
Sounds like you are having a terrible time. You need to think about yourself and your family first.
Bankruptcy could be an option for you, do you have any assets that could be at risk?
Have a chat to your insolvency practioner, explore options regarding your job, or getting another job, and maybe have a chat to an expert on here.
You're not alone, so please keep posting.
Viki Warbrooke
Vincent Bond & Co
If you would like free advice on all options available and help with your bankruptcy petition please contact me at http://www.vincentbond.com/about_us_Viki_Warbrooke.asp
Please read my experience of debt via my blog at http://vikiw.blogs.iva.co.uk/ |
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Skint101
Starting Member
18 Posts |
Posted - 24 September 2010 : 14:32:47
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Our house is in negative equity, our cars are only of low value. That's all we have.
We have a ver approachable IP but I feel like a failure and a fraud. I've let her down too, saying we could do the IVA and then all the work she has had to do for it. |
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Viki.W
forum expert
United Kingdom
2211 Posts |
Posted - 24 September 2010 : 16:20:38
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You're not a failure, please don't worry. Your IP will understand. Don't forget, your IP will have still taken fees. She deals with this all the time and I really think you should speak to her as she may be able to help you to avoid bankruptcy.
Viki Warbrooke
Vincent Bond & Co
If you would like free advice on all options available and help with your bankruptcy petition please contact me at http://www.vincentbond.com/about_us_Viki_Warbrooke.asp
Please read my experience of debt via my blog at http://vikiw.blogs.iva.co.uk/ |
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Housing
Senior Member
United Kingdom
1399 Posts |
Posted - 25 September 2010 : 12:05:38
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Hi,
You are certainly not a failure 
Take time to reflect and go to see your GP to get assistance on your depression and associated stresses. They will assist. They may look at a course of counselling and/or medication. All worty of consideration.
Talk in confidence to your HR department - They should be understanding. I am not sure what the reasons are that you have said about an approach to them in your post
Do not worry about the length of your post... There are lots of people here to asssist and guide you. Many have had problems too!!
BR is NOT the end of the world. It may be the best option.
To petition for BR, your IVA will, first have to fail (normally for three months) That is not a problem as many of the Insolvency experts will tell you.
I am a housing law expert and you need not lose your home to BR, particularly if you are in negative equity. Are there any arrears though with your lender? Is there a second charge/
Post back and between us, I am sure we can look to assisting you
Richard
"There are no problems - only solutions" |
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Skint101
Starting Member
18 Posts |
Posted - 25 September 2010 : 19:35:03
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Thankyou for your reply. It's nice to have someone to speak to.
My HR depsrtment couldn't help me with work as they know of the situation and just give me guidance on how to manage them. Very different for someone who has or sit with them.
I feel absoloutely trapped. I stay in my job because I need to meet the demands of the IVA. My mind is constantly on work. I don't want to see the doctor either because I don't want sickness on my work record incase I get another job.
I'm not trying to scaremonger but I can honestly see why, people take their own lives because of their debts. The only option is BR but for some of us, the chance that it may be in the paper makes it an unthinkable option.
BR would mean we oculd start again, I could take a lower paid job. I am wasting my life and missing out on my daughters.
Thankyou for reading. |
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Viki.W
forum expert
United Kingdom
2211 Posts |
Posted - 25 September 2010 : 20:12:44
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It doesn't go in the local paper so you don't have to worry about that.
It sounds to me that it will make life better for you if you declare bankruptcy. That way you can get on with your life, take a lower paid job and concentrate on your family.
Make sure you speak to someone about this, either one of the experts here, your IP, or the CAB.
Keep posting.
Viki Warbrooke
Vincent Bond & Co
If you would like free advice on all options available and help with your bankruptcy petition please contact me at http://www.vincentbond.com/about_us_Viki_Warbrooke.asp
Please read my experience of debt via my blog at http://vikiw.blogs.iva.co.uk/ |
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Skint101
Starting Member
18 Posts |
Posted - 25 September 2010 : 20:25:37
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Thanks Viki, believe it or not I am crying while I type. It's so lovely to speak to people and not be judged.
There is a chance it goes in the paper isn't there? And don't they list who is in court on your local courts webpage? I know I am being over the top but my family really don't know of our troubles. They think it is all work but can't understand why I don't leave. |
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Viki.W
forum expert
United Kingdom
2211 Posts |
Posted - 25 September 2010 : 20:33:14
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We're all here for you.
When I first knew I was drowning in debt, I was in a very dark place and the only thing that really saved me was finding other people in the same situation on the forum on iva.co.uk. I know it's very hard to talk about it with family and friends, but you and your family are the important ones and I don't really know how anyone could find out.
It won't be on the court website as far as I know, and it will only be in the insolvency register which you are already on.
If you're not a local trader, you won't go into the paper.
Take advice, speak to your IP and please don't get too stressed as debt problems are easily fixed.
Viki Warbrooke
Vincent Bond & Co
If you would like free advice on all options available and help with your bankruptcy petition please contact me at http://www.vincentbond.com/about_us_Viki_Warbrooke.asp
Please read my experience of debt via my blog at http://vikiw.blogs.iva.co.uk/ |
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Skippy
forum expert
United Kingdom
3290 Posts |
Posted - 25 September 2010 : 22:19:59
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You're not alone in this, so please don't feel that you are. I can remember the day that I finally faced up to my debts - I knew I had to tell my partner, and I was driving home thinking that maybe I should just drive into a lamp post or something and then I wouldn't have to worry any more. I am so glad I didn't as I've come out the other side, and no amount of debt is worth taking your own life.
As Viki said your BR is very unlikely to be in the local paper. I can remember worrying about that, and as I went BR 3 1/2 years ago mine was in there - it was the smallest advert you could imagine, and it was among the adult ads!
Please speak to your IP in the first instance. She may be able to help you, and I'm sure that if you cannot continue with your IVA she will be able to help you.
Take care, and please keep posting as we're all here for you x
View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/
Only when the last tree has died, the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realise that we cannot eat money.
Last IPA payment made on 28th June 2010 - it's over at last! |
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scirocco
Starting Member
United Kingdom
1 Posts |
Posted - 25 September 2010 : 22:49:45
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Hi Skint101, I am not qualified to give any financial advice, just offer my support and try to reassure you that you are not alone.
Your story follows mine quite closely, only it was my wife that went through the bullying at work. She could not leave as we were trying to keep things together even though her income was never actually enough to stave off the inevitable.
After several years in a DMP, an unsuccessful attempt to start an IVA and serious illness brought on through stress, she decided to petition herself for BR. She came through and managed to keep her half of our home.
I went through BR last week and I am hoping it continues to feel the way I feel now. I don't consider myself to be a failure, although, miraculously, I do feel that I have been given a fresh start. I feel lighter and cleaner. I can breathe easy and I can now sleep at night.
I have lost my marriage of 25 years, but since my wife is also relieved of her burden of debt, we can also start afresh.
My name was in the paper this week......big deal, really! Very few people read the BR section. I am debt free and I have the opportunity to get it right this time round. How many of the readers can say that?
I tried all other options that I thought were open to me and it took me 9 months to pluck up the courage to go bankrupt. But it is as refreshing and liberating as you may imagine. I could not go back to that dark, oppressive place again.
I hope you can see through the additional unwarrented distractions surrounding your life. It is life that can be normally dealt with, but things do become too much under the circumstances. The right solution will liberate and release you from what currently feels like a dead end. |
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Housing
Senior Member
United Kingdom
1399 Posts |
Posted - 25 September 2010 : 23:29:27
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Hi again,
I have just read your latest posts.
You are not alone. Your emotions and feelings are normal.
many of us have been where you are now... Take comfort in that - things will get better - seek advice and be strong
Night...for now Richard
"There are no problems - only solutions" |
Edited by - Housing on 25 September 2010 23:30:05 |
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Skint101
Starting Member
18 Posts |
Posted - 26 September 2010 : 08:08:20
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Hi everyone and thankyou for your supportive replies. I can think of little else at the moment. Scirroco, why did yours appear in the paper? Are you a trader?
Our IVA would be manangeable if only I had changed job before it started. We have only had the IVA for 3 months. I guess I am going to have to call the IP's office in the morning. Petrified! Even with the 15% they can take off, I will be hard pushed to find a job that will pay me what I earn now.
All I know is that I cannot continue in my current plac of work.
Thanks again. |
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Hutch
Starting Member
25 Posts |
Posted - 27 September 2010 : 10:30:50
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Skint101,
Once I'd accepted that BR was the best/only option, I looked at it as a complete fresh start and chance to review my life and assess what was really important to me. I decided to quit my job just prior to going BR in order to stay home and be a full-time mum to my young baby, rather than struggling on in a job I hated, being stressed by work and paying someone else to look after my son. It's early days yet but I think I've made the best decision of my life and rather than feel a failure and berate myself for getting into an awful situation through my own stupidity, I am accepting the consequences and moving on into a better life for me and my family.
I think you should really think about how you want your life to be post-BR and take steps to get yourself there. If that means quitting your job as it is affecting your health and wellbeing, then I think that is much more important than struggling on and making yourself ill and depressed. I know it's a bit of a cliche, but life is too short and you only get one shot at it so make it a happy one!
Hutch |
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Skint101
Starting Member
18 Posts |
Posted - 27 September 2010 : 19:23:17
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Thanks Hutch you are so right. I phoned the Insolvency Service this morning and they said it is 'rare' that it is advertisd in local papers.
I just want to hand my notice in because the longer I am looking for work the longer I still have to work my notice if you see what I mean.
Do I speak to my IP directly or someone in her office? Would the OR or the judge look on us badly if we have only been paying into IVA for 3-4 months? We have the money at the moment to pay the IVA but I will never secure another job on the rate of pay I am on at the moment.
I am absoloutley lost. Work seems to be getting harder and harder. My boss doesn't help, he says I need to be exposed to sh*tty situations yet he never deals with the staff himself. I have a really hard time at work then at home all we talk about is having no money. Hubby and I barely talk and I'm missing out with my little girl. I just haven't got the patience or the head space for her at the minute. I know that sounds awful but it's the truth. I don't seem to be able to switch off from work and debt. But sadly they go together! |
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Skippy
forum expert
United Kingdom
3290 Posts |
Posted - 27 September 2010 : 20:32:59
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If your IP is who I think it is I'm sure she will speak to you personally, and help you if she can. Give her a call and have a chat - it's one less thing for you to worry about at the moment.
Work sounds awful, and I can't believe that you are getting no support from HR, I thought that's what they are there for.
Good luck and keep posting x
View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/
Only when the last tree has died, the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realise that we cannot eat money.
Last IPA payment made on 28th June 2010 - it's over at last! |
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Making myself ill with stress
