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Needafriend
Junior Member
United Kingdom
344 Posts |
 Posted - 18 August 2008 : 10:36:18
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I know me again,
I am getting so depressed, I have done everything that my OH wanted to keep us together and now I have nothing of my own.
I know that may sound selfish but I have always worked and tried to better ourselves hence all the debts then going BR.
I let my car go back, I gave up my nursing course as hubby wanted to go back on days as he was unhappy, I cant work because there is no one to have the kids, I cant do nights hubby starts at 5.30am, cant do days hubby finishes at 6.30pm, I have no life, nothing, its really getting me down now, I want to crawl into a ball and just die.
Where is my life, I know i have the kids but i do need a life too, my work and Uni was my social life I was gettin a better career to better our kids lives, now look.
I cant even go back on that now as the hours are not suitable around hubby, our eldest son needs someone there to look after him even though he is 15 he had Aspergors and so one of us need to be around, so i guess thats me AGAIN.
I dont mind looking after the kids obviously, but I gave up everything and hubby gave up nothing, he did not even do the finances, I did, he did not do the forms or organise the court, I DID.
He may not go out as such, but he has work to go to, friends he talks to, a life outside these walls, wheres mine?
OMG im just sooooooooooo depressed,
AM i being selfish to want to have more than the 4 walls of my home to look at and to talk too. Maybe I am, thats my role in life to be nothing.
Jo
"There is light at the end of the tunnel, if you cant find it, get a brighter torch!" |
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Skippy
forum expert
United Kingdom
3290 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2008 : 10:54:14
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Oh Jo, you poor thing. I can't really offer you any advice as my circumstances are totally different to yours (just me, my OH Dave and Harry the cat who is worse than a teenager!), but I wanted to say that you are not nothing so please don't think that. Is there no way you can get a part time job so that you can get out for a while? Have you spoken to hubby about how are you are feeling?
It might be worth you speaking to your GP about how you are feeling as they may be able to help you. With all the stress you have gone through I'm not surprised that you are feeling depressed.
Take care x
Tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is history, today is the present, a gift to make the most of.
View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.bankruptcyhelp.org.uk/ |
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Needafriend
Junior Member
United Kingdom
344 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2008 : 11:36:48
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Hi Skippy
Thanks for your kind words, yes I have tried to speaking to hubby thats part of the problem, its all my fault you see. Now he is concerned that his baby (The Car) he wont be able to keep it and yes you have guessed it that is his pride and joy.
He does not understand how much I have gone through, because where I have done everything even with the bankruptcy it means nothing to him, like he does not have a care in the world. I take everything so differently, i look at all angles and him well he really does have the I DONT CARE attitude.
He wanted rid of the debts, fine so did i but for all the time we had them it was me that made sure they were paid, me that wrote to the creditors, me that also tried to be a fulltime parent and work full time.
He got depressed and had to change jobs, fine not a problem, seemed ok at the time, but now we are BR I cant do anything, i cant even get a part time job.
Its so cruel that i know i should not be feeling like this but i feel that i have wasted my life over him being such a selfish git. I did everything for him, yes i wanted the debts to end, the letters and calls to stop but NO i did not want to end up now with my whole life being such a waste.
I know he is the main bread winner, up until 2 1/2 yrs ago i worked 40 hrs a week and he did nights, now i am just sat about doing absolutley nothing. He wont talk to me, when he does not get what he wants he just ups and leaves, I get to pick up the pieces, it all seems to have been what HE WANTS and not what I wanted at all.
Why should i have to do this, I thought marriage was give and take and not him to take take take, I have no more to give anymore, every last bit of self respect I had well thats all gone now.
My only social life is this place. Sad i know.
6 years ago he left me because we could not afford a car for him, when he came back we found somehow the money to buy him one, then later he left me again and i always seem to give in, maybe its for a quiet life, i dont know. He is as much to blame for the debts we had as well as me. So why should it be me that has to do it all.
If i dont nothing would get done. 
I used my old Lloyds credit card in 2005 to pay for HIM to do his LGV driving again cos he was not happy, that pleased him, its always about him and not another thought about what i or the kids wanted or how we felt.
Whilst i dont want him to go as i do love him there is no way of getting the TRUE LIFE PICTURE through to him. 
JO
"There is light at the end of the tunnel, if you cant find it, get a brighter torch!" |
Edited by - Needafriend on 18 August 2008 11:40:23 |
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Skippy
forum expert
United Kingdom
3290 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2008 : 11:48:39
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I really don't know what to say Jo, other than I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. You come across as such a kind, caring person with your replies to people on here, and you really do deserve a life of your own. Would hubby consider going to Relate for counselling? Could you write down how you feel and give it to him to read - sometimes it hits home when things are written down rather than spoken.
Take care, and keep posting - I can't really offer any advice, but I'll always 'listen' x
Tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is history, today is the present, a gift to make the most of.
View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.bankruptcyhelp.org.uk/ |
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Needafriend
Junior Member
United Kingdom
344 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2008 : 12:22:31
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Hi Skippy
Thanks again for your reply.
I have just tried to talk to huby but he is doing his usual sitting in the other room totally ignoring me. LOL
I told him how I feel and how i have done everything he wanted me too and now I have no help at all from him, its all about him.
I know he will maybe just "Throw his toys out of his pram and maybe do what he always does, pack his bags and leave"
That is so typical of him, he thinks by ignoring me it will go away, well i have nothing else to lose now, i have lost it all anyhow so there is nothing else he can do except turn me back into a single parent, with 3 kids.
The house will go and we will hopefully be rehoused as I would be homeless, other than that i have no debts now and he cant hurt me anymore than the hurt i already feel from all of this.
I will keep posting, i have told him I love him but its whatever he decides i dont have any more fight in me and I cant be going on like this.
I need him to show me not just love but respect, to show understanding towards me and give me some help esp where the kids and home are concerned.
LOL
JO
"There is light at the end of the tunnel, if you cant find it, get a brighter torch!" |
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ann.s
Junior Member
238 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2008 : 18:44:38
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JO, I just don't know what to say, I feel for you, but you must be strong for the kids as they need you.
I know how you feel about hubby's and there cars one of the reasons we got into dedt was that my hubby had to have a flash car, you name it he has had it, but everything came to a head in June, I had to sit him down and explain his baby (car) had to go he threw a few strops, I know he works hard for his baby's (car) but things had to change. Well the BMW went, he now has an 18yr old Toyota but he still kept his image with a two seater!! I finally got through to him that his family are more important than a lump of metal.
Take care and keep posting, I do feel for you.
Ann |
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eamonn
Junior Member
320 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2008 : 18:50:43
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hi jo
sorry to hear you are having such a bad time i cannot offer any practical advice,but i would like to wish you all the best and offer moral support
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Needafriend
Junior Member
United Kingdom
344 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2008 : 20:05:05
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Thanks Eamonn and Ann
Things seem a little better, although he has not mentioned my feelings we are however talking.
I hope that we can get through this, i was felling like the whole world was spinning and I was standing still.
I will keep you all posted, im going away in a few weeks only Butlins but i truely need that break as next year we wont be able to afford a holiday unless i can get back to work and at present unless hubby gives in a bit then it may be a no.
Anyhow thank you all again
The words mean a lot.
LOL
JO
"There is light at the end of the tunnel, if you cant find it, get a brighter torch!" |
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ann.s
Junior Member
238 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2008 : 20:18:59
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Hi Jo, I'm pleased your feeling a little better, and at least you are talking, I hate it when I get the silent treatment even if it's not my fault It's always twisted to make it my fault. Hubby works away not due back till next thursday so I have two weeks of piece and quiet.
Our son is getting stressed out this week as his GCSE results are due on Thursday, he's now giving me the silent treatment, as I can't talk to him when he's having a stressy. At least there is one possitive thing hubby will be away when he gets the results, I know he did his best!!
I wish I was going away, but going BR on 8th Sept, so it'l be a while before our next holiday.
You deserve a break away
Take Care
Ann |
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Feeling sad, lonely and like I have no life!
