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lightattheendofthetunnel
Starting Member
27 Posts |
 Posted - 29 June 2009 : 06:49:02
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I am in the process of going BR. I haven’t told any of my family or friends. My parents would be so angry and my partner I cannot even comprehend how he and they would feel. I am finding it hard to keep it a secret – any advise?
Just started walking on the path to a debt free future-wish me luck!
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gettingoutofdebt
forum expert
2418 Posts |
Posted - 29 June 2009 : 07:59:12
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Whether to tell people that you are BR or not is a difficult decision. I decided to tell my parents that I was BR and was quite surprised at their response. At first they were upset/angry but after their initial response they became supportive and understood that I had been through a difficult period.
The BR may still be printed in the local paper although this seems to depend upon the OR now so there is still a chance that your partner or other people in the local area could find out that your are BR.
I would recommend telling your partner only because it would be better for them to find out from you rather than reading it in the local paper.
Good luck. |
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Skippy
forum expert
United Kingdom
3290 Posts |
Posted - 29 June 2009 : 09:09:21
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I agree with Gettingoutofdebt about telling your partner. If I found out my OH had gone BR and didn't tell me I'd be upset that they didn't trust me and then I would wonder what else they were keeping from me.
Tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is history, today is the present, a gift to make the most of.
View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.bankruptcyhelp.org.uk/
23 IPA payments made, 13 to go - on the home straight! |
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totally lost
Junior Member
116 Posts |
Posted - 29 June 2009 : 12:59:37
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quote:
Originally posted by lightattheendofthetunnel
I am in the process of going BR. I haven’t told any of my family or friends. My parents would be so angry and my partner I cannot even comprehend how he and they would feel. I am finding it hard to keep it a secret – any advise?
Just started walking on the path to a debt free future-wish me luck!
Hi there
I so sympathize with you as I have been in the same situation.
I have separated parents and have told my mum who is nothing but caring and sypathetic to my decision. She thinks its very sad how I have struggled and kept this a secret alone for years and only wants me to start living properly and enjoy life from now on...or as soon as I have been in court.
I will tell my dad later and I do honestly believe he will be supportive, altough I am sure he will question my story in more detail.
Now, the WORST for me was to tell my partner and as I expected he wasnt very understanding...at first at least.
My heart has been at times somewhat angry as us woman/girls do get into debt easier as we try to care for everyone and be super helpful and giving.
I dont mean to offend anyone by my statment, but I find this to be true so many times just witnessing my female colleagues and their use of credit.
Ok-so I was very giving and tried to make everyone 'happy' and I contributed to bills etc when I coulndt afford it.
However- I have learnt my lesson and very well indeed.
I havent used any credit for well over 6-7 years and it is sometimes/often hard,but I have survived.
My partner knows about my debt problem, he knows also very well how deeply sad it makes me feel AND how I have struggled-but-kept to my strick budgeting for years etc......
he also knows I am ashamed of my debt and for this reason we have chosen to not talk about it unless absolutely necessary.
I pay as much as I can towards our life together and he is supportive of my decision to go bankrupt.He actually suggested it after this whole painful secret came to life.
I had to tell him as I joined my DMP.
Basically my partner knows that I am going BR but he doesnt know all the details like how much or what credit companies etc.
As long as I get help in my BR progress he doesnt really want to know any more.
And of course he doesnt want this to affect him in any way which it wount.
I have waited many years to get this far in filling in all the forms AND deciding on a BR assistant.Mainly to make an attemt towards my debt.
Now the time is right and I need to get on with my life without this 'shame (to me) hanging over my head.
Maybe in years AFTER my BR I will tell him everything should he want to know, but then its all over so why dwell!??
I do hope your family and partner will see that the past is the past and work together for your future.
I am sure you didnt mean for this to happen and that there's no Aston Martin Vanquish sitting in your garage!?!
Best of luck to you!!
This is just my little story/feelings.
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Telling family and friends
