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ElleB
Starting Member
25 Posts |
 Posted - 20 February 2009 : 22:41:56
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We were declared bankrupt last week and I really thought I would feel less stressed and brighter in general.
However, I think the enormity of what we have done has just hit me. I am ashamed. I had to tell ex husband I was now bankrupt as I was unable to continue to pay sons car insurance. I got a horrible email from him saying I was a disgrace etc etc. I haven't told my parents as I know the responce will be similar.
I know that finacially bankruptcy was the best thing to do but I am struggling to deal with mental/emotional fallout :(
Pointless post really, sorry. |
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Lizzie
New Member
United Kingdom
59 Posts |
Posted - 20 February 2009 : 22:52:32
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Hi ElleB it was not a pointless post, this is the place where there are folks to support and help you. You will always find people who look down on you for going BR but you have done the right thing. We are most probably going to go BK in the next few months, well my husband will and we are not young and to all intents we should have known better then to get ourselves in this state. But it has happened, not helped by the recession that has managed to knock some £60k off the value of our house. One of my brothers is fine about it but I am not going to tell the other one as I know what his response will be.
You are not a disgrace you have done what you needed to do.
Take care
Lizzie x |
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leahk
Junior Member
117 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 08:11:11
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Hi ElleB I know how you feel. I was declared on Thursday, I know its not very long ago but the feeling of limbo is surreal. Its like a no mans land. The worry of the debt and then the build up to the bankruptcy was life consuming and now...
Even though I have had support from my mum and my partner it ws my eldest daughter that called me a disgrace and made me feel even more guilty and ashamed than I already did. Looking at what she said though I think she was thinking more of herself, (her friends seeing my name in the paper etc etc).
You know as well as I that what we did was solely out of necessity. It was not a path we would have chosen and in time I'm sure others will see it too.
Good Luck
Leah
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GUSS
Starting Member
United Kingdom
23 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 08:38:00
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hi elle
yes i think we all seem to go through this sort of limbo
land for a time,having debt for so long then its all gone.
not the path we wanted to take but had no choice in the matter
our family and close freinds have all been great,but in times
like this you no who your real friends are.you will have plenty
of support on this site which will help you through
take care guss |
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coxy
New Member
United Kingdom
63 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 09:18:22
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HI All
Would have to agree with everything thats been said we declared br on 3rd feb and we feel worse now than before.
ive heard people say it will be a massive relief and we will feel so much better but its been none of that,we also never in a million years thought we would be in this situation.
My advice to the people who do look down on us bankrupts is dont be so quick to judge it could happen to you.
our br went in the paper on thursday and i went for 2 jobs yesterday [having been out of work for 4 months] and all i could think about was oh god i hope theyve not read last nights paper and made the connection. |
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Almost there
Junior Member
United Kingdom
288 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 09:33:53
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Hi ElleB
I know exactly how you feel, I went BR on 29th Jan and had my OR interview yesterday. I am relieved that its all over with but at the same time I do feel a bit of a failure. Unfortunately there are so many of us that have had to take the BR route so you are not alone. I was no.124 at Portsmouth Court just 4 weeks into the year so that says it all really.
Keep your head held high and look to the future, I am sure in time your ex hubby will get over the inital shock and will come to terms with the fact that it was the best thing to do.
Good luck and enjoy your debt free future, I know I will.
Sandie |
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Jane.l
Average Member
511 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 11:49:43
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I know exactly how you feel, I still feel ashamed over one year later and I too got nasty emails from a relative and a friend saying I was greedy, got what I deserved,"do the honourable thing and commit suicide"  blah, blah, blah. Same as you, I have not told my parents although I expect the relative took great delight in telling them, they have not said anything to me about it.
I now do not speak to these people and just hold my head high, yes I made mistakes but at least I have done something positive about the mess I made  |
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coxy
New Member
United Kingdom
63 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 12:20:38
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Crikey Jane
That is awful,I have always treated people how id want to be treated myself.
Wonder how many of these judgemental, I would never get into that situation types will be br in the next year or 2. |
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Jane.l
Average Member
511 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 12:46:22
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| yes and SOMEONE even started applying for loans pretending to be me whilst I was bankrupt,(trying to get me in trouble with OR) it was obviously one of them, I cannot believe how low so people will stoop. I don't even think about these people anymore, I am just getting on with my life. I like to think if they got in such difficulties, I would not stoop to their level. |
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givemestrength
Junior Member
United Kingdom
141 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 13:24:41
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| hi, i cant beleive ive just read that Jane, they must lead very sad little lives. |
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Jane.l
Average Member
511 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 13:34:49
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| I too was astounded by the bitterness and nastiness from these 2 people. Obviously they have just shown their true colours although at the time, it was so upsetting, I could not work I was so upset and in the end, I just used to delete the emails they sent me without reading them. |
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Almost there
Junior Member
United Kingdom
288 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 14:48:51
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| Good grief, that is absolutely disgusting Jane, you are certainly better off without relatives and so called friends like that. At least you have had the courage to deal with your debts, I wonder if they would! Sandie |
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Andrewski
Starting Member
United Kingdom
13 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 15:06:07
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It took me many weeks to come out of a state of semi-shock. I have been lucky to have tremendous support from my wife and a few friends, and a former client now almost only client!
You will get over the trauma and BR is not a disgrace. Honest people will often say there but for the grace of God etc.
Just sharing experiences here and even the sun shining now makes me feel better, and I hope it will for you.
Andrewski |
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Melanie.n
forum expert
United Kingdom
1282 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 15:08:10
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I am so horrified by what you had to put up with, well done on keeping your head held high and in being positive, at then end of the day its what you feel and think what counts not this sad individual.
We often used to get phone calls into the ORs from neighbours, did we know so and so has got a new car/new curtains etc (I will admit to telling the person who would not give their name of course.. complaining about their neighbour who had gone bankrupt over a year previously having new curtains and garden seats. . 'to go get a life' i was so incensed the case was a really sad case of illhealth resulting in loss of job and to be honest whether they had new curtains or not was not the neighbours business! I was really angry by the pettiness of the caller. Worst were the ones who would write in but not sign the letters - they used to go straight in the bin, if someone cannot be bothered to put their name we were never bothered to read them!
Hopefully now you are discharged I hope your life continues to improve for you and your loved ones, Melanie
Melanie Nicholas
28 years insolvency experience - 23 of which in the Insolvency Service
- Insolvency Manager
Jones Giles
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Skippy
forum expert
United Kingdom
3290 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 15:18:08
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I can understand how you feel. When I went BR the relief was immense, but later on it hit me - I ended up with a migraine and an upset stomach, which I know now was the stress.
The day after I went BR I felt that everyone must know what I'd done - I felt like I had a big cartoon bubble over my head saying 'BANKRUPT! FAILURE!' I know that the only people who knew were the people who I'd told and I only had a couple of negative comments, and I know that they weren't worrying about.
It takes time, but the horrible feelings will go xxx
Tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is history, today is the present, a gift to make the most of.
View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.bankruptcyhelp.org.uk/
20 IPA payments made, 16 to go - on the home straight! |
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Reviva UK
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2452 Posts |
Posted - 21 February 2009 : 17:09:48
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I always tell folk that we work with that the afternoon of the court they will feel GREY.
I can't think of a better word for it. It seems surreal and almost everyone expects a spot of public flogging and at least 10 minutes of crucifixion!.
It almost seems a shock that life goes on as normal and the folk in the supermarket smile when they serve you.
Unfortunately there are many myths associated with Br and I am sure that these have been developed by some creditors with a view to avoiding the process at all costs.
Paul Johns
Assisted Bankruptcy Specialists
Reviva UK
http://www.revivauk.com
Real People ..... Real Debt Solutions
www.revivauk.com |
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Why do I still feel so down?
